Monday, 19 March 2007

My Darling Chee Keong...



Sigh...

I had a dream last night...It was about darling Chee Keong, and it was definitely very deja-vu like in many ways...

I don't often remember my dreams, but something about this dream (yes, yes, somebody out there is going to link this to REM-Dreaming and Non-REM-Dreaming...) made me remember...Maybe it was because it was sort-of like a flashback into the past...My past...

I remember, for example, how Chee Keong's hair smelled, something which I've not thought about at all for a long time...I could feel his hair in my dream, and for a while, I remembered how his hair stood up on end when he was near a fan...

I remembered how he used to be drenched in sweat after a hot, hot day...and the smell...

I remembered how his sweet face was white like the porcelain, and how his gentle greenish veins used to pop-up whenever he was in pain...And how my heart broke when he used to cry himself into syncope...

And in my dream, I saw the two of us dozing off together, all cuddled up on the hard chair...Him gently snoring and me just enjoying being in his company and smelling his freshly-washed hair...Cuddling together like there was no tomorrow...

And it was at that point that I woke up, because it was like a reality-wake-up call...Reality itself woke me up...I can't spend eternity with him, however much I want to...

Dreams are said to be a reflection of our inner self: Our desires, our fears, our hopes and aspirations; not neurologically-speaking of course...

I guess this time my always terpesong dreams hit the nail on the head...I do want to spend my time with Chee Keong...I want to share my life with him...

It's just so sad that it took a dream to tell me how much I have forgotten...It's so sad that it was a dream who showed me that as humans, we can never really remember everything, no matter how hard we try...

Because ultimately, absence over a long period of time not only makes the heart grow fonder; it also inevitably makes the heart forget...

Time helps you move on...But it makes you forget...

Dear Chee Keong, may I never forget how u sound, smell, look like, and most importantly, how I feel about you...

All you people out there, treasure the people that you love and care about...It's worth it...

9 comments:

JuNe said...

why you make me cry? that was so so so so so sweeet. im going to cry again.

ym said...

I miss him too!!

Jj said...

is this the little boy who was abandoned by his mother?
snowman or something like that? dumbman? er, i cant remember.

Daphne Ling said...

Yes!!! Yes!!! This is Snowman!!! Also known as Oldman and Stupid Boy!!! No such thing as Dumbman as far as I know though...=)

Oh, YM, you have a blog? Bugger, you didn't tell me...

Ae Mi said...

yeah.. i still miss max.. but like you nai.. i've learnt to forget..

i was just looking through his photos yesterday.. he can walk now.. but its a pity i am not there to see it..

at least i don't cry rivers anymore when i think of him

Daphne Ling said...

Yes Ae Mi...Remember how we used to cry buckets, but over different babies? It's sad that we're slowly beginning to forget. I don't ever want to, but reality is such that you forget over time...But who knows? It just might be for the better...

ae mi said...

boohoohoo :( is it really for the better? i miss him :(

but i know he has to grow up and i can't keep clinging on to him.. he'll be thinking who's this crazy old chinese woman and why's she hogging me like that..

but seeing chee keong made me feel better.. at least i know max will grow up healthy and cared..

at least i know he'll be there on my wedding day :)

Gobu Raj said...

Who exactly is Chee Keong?
-Gobu-

Daphne Ling said...

Gobu,
Darling Chee Keong was abandoned by his parents because he was born handicap. I volunteered as his erm, foster mum for six months while he was in the hospital. Despite it being almost 3/4 years since he left for a home for the handicap, I still miss him dearly. Ironic huh? People my age miss their boyfriends; I miss a baby boy who was never and will never be mine...