Wednesday, 3 October 2007

A Friendship Not Lost...



I will always remember what my Debate and English Literature teacher in school, Ms Pushpa, once said to my debate team, when I was 14 years old:-


"Treat people like you would want your mother to be treated. Because every person you meet, whether he sweeps the road, or collects rubbish from the street, is someone’s mother. He or she may be only a rubbish collector to you, but he or she is a daughter, father, son, sister, wife, friend, husband to someone".


And till today, her words ring very strongly…




Which is why when I go shopping and I try on clothes, I always make it a point to put the clothes back where I took it on the correct hanger (unless there is a policy that the people who work there do it, say, to check for any hanky-panky)…



I always pick up the shoes I try and hand them back to the salesperson and not let them pick from the floor…



I always try and pick up my own bread and newspaper from the sundry shop and not yell from the car…If the situation does not permit me to leave the car, I always request for them with a "Please Uncle", and "Thank you Uncle"…

Why?





Because the people working there, they are someone’s child or parent too…Just because you pay them doesn’t give you licence to treat them like rubbish. Yes, there are certain instances where the people who work don’t deserve our respect in return because they treat us like rubbish, but I am talking about things in general here.

Morover, my parents will kill me if I dare to yell at the uncle who sells newspaper, or who does whatever...



After all, is it so difficult to hang your clothes back? Is it so difficult to hand the shoes by hand, instead of letting them pick from your feet?



I have got a 'friend' however, who believes otherwise...She believes she is the centre of the universe, and that everyone too believes in that...



If someone gets praised for looking good in a pair of pants with a "Wow, your legs look longer today!", she will automatically retort: "*But my legs are still longer"...

*This applies to not only to longer legs, but also to waist (smaller), hips (bigger), breasts (biggest!) etc...



I have had problems with the way she behaves in certain incidences, and I have always had long internal battles about whether I should choose what I believe in and my principles, or should I choose friendship...

After all, we do have alot of fun together, eventhough I am always the subject of her "My legs are longer" talk...

And at the end of the day, I always chose friendship over everything else, for the simple reason that I cannot expect my friends to be like me...But if it involves other people, I will usually say something...




One incident which I remember clearly, is what happened at the library. You see, in our college library, we are required to put all books we take to read onto this push-able trolley, for the librarians to put back on the shelves at the end of the day. Of course, if you want to put the books back on the shelves, all the better!


My friend had four books strewn across the table. When we got up to leave, she merely pushed the books to one side.




I looked at her and said: Aren’t you going to put them back?


Her answer, in all honesties, shocked me...

She said: Why should I? It’s their job. They’re paid to.

I replied: Yeah, but there’s a rule that you have to at least, put it on the trolley. And what’s wrong in putting it back where you took it from? It’s not that far



*It was just a table and a shelf away, to be exact



She: No, let them do it. They hate me!

Me: Don’t you think they might be hating you because of the way you’ve been treating them? You know, those librarians are people too. How would you feel if you were them, or if your mum was?



She: That’s why, I’ll never be them.



I walked back, picked up her books and went back to keep them. And she let me do it.



As we left the college, she asked: Why are you always so good and nice?

I retorted: I am not being good or nice. I’m just doing what’s right.



For the record, the librarians have always been super sweet to me...



And then once, the kitchen sink was clogged…Somebody had dumped leftover food into the sink, and there was about half a foot of water in the sink, and it was oily water at that…


Now, a lot of us brush our teeth or wash our face in the kitchen…For me, it is because I find that brushing my teeth in the bathroom always leaves my tee-shirt wet (the sink is deep in)…



Guess what she did that night? She went to wash her face in the clogged sink!


I said: “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t wash your face there…It’s clogged!

She: So? The cleaners will clean it tomorrow

Me: I know. But you don’t have to add to the amount of water! You don’t have to make things worse for the poor cleaners, you know


Guess what she did then?

She went to the water cooler to wash her face…And she knows full well all water that drips into the base will be channeled into the sink! Tell me…What’s the difference?



I just cannot stand it when people treat others like rubbish…Just because they are cleaners does not make them any less human…


And then one day, she treated me like rubbish...


She lost my pencil box, with my pendrive in it, which had all my college assignments in it, plus records of the articles I had written for The Star, plus about 30 photos of Chee Keong...Those 30 photos meant more than anything, because as everyone knows, dear Chee Keong has passed on, which means they can never be replaced...

Plus, that pencil box was a Pierre Cardin, and a gift from my mum...



And guess what? This so called 'friend' left me to look for the pencil box on my own (a pencil box which she lost by the way), while my other friends helped me look...Ruverny, who lives in Bukit Mertajam, even took me out for ice cream to take my mind off the pencil box for a while, and offered to help me make posters pleading for the safe return of my my black case...*Thanks dear!*



And my 'friend' who stays in the hostel with me? She went out to lepak, with nary an apology...



And that was the final straw...From that day till now, I have not spoken to her...



To me, it is not a friendship lost...Because the day I stopped speaking to her, I finally made a stand...I chose my principles over someone who treats everyone else as something that matters not...


I shall remember one other thing a lot of us believe in, and that is: What goes around, will come around...



*Note: My pencil box eventually came back, everything in place...The guard on duty found it, and kept it for me, knowing it was mine...Hmmm...A guard knew how much it meant, and a 'close friend' didn't?



PS: Alot of things I want to blog about (stories of some children etc) will have to be put on hold, because I cannot load the photos! *BooHoo*




35 comments:

kl_gal said...

I agree with you..dont think you've lost anything by losing her "friendship". Its a major form of insecurity..this putting everyone else down behaviour.I know several people like that too and it never ceases to amaze me that they think the sun, moon, stars & planets rise, set, revolve and implode only for them and all because of them. Very delusional thinking.

LiLy said...

Hey there, Daphne,

I read ur articles in the Star very often and I really admire what you're doing. I am glad I found your blog....you really are an excellent writer.

Anyway, I think you definitely deserve better than a friend like that....my time in college now taught me what friendship is and how to diffrentiate them. I stand by, 'treat others how you want to be treated' philosophy.

Keep on writing!

winniethepooh said...

yup, i agree with u daphne, people no matter what job they are doing, they deserve our respect doing what they do.

indeed a friend will not hv done that to u. U r very patience with people I hv to say :) I think I might not hv tolerated her behaviour as long as u did...and to think she lost something so precious to u and yet she doesnt feel bad!

Nightwing said...

Hi Daphne, good on you for putting a stand. hehe...agree with Winnie that u can tahan so long with that kind of person. But its good u took a stand.

Karma. She will face it one day. Like u mentioned, what goes around comes around.

Attract positive things, u received positive ...like the librarians being nice and sweet to you. And the guard kept your pencil box for you.

Keep well now..Cheers.

Puteri said...

A friend who doesn't appreciate your friendship is not worth having.

Enjoyed your insights, Daphne.

mott said...

Hmm... just glad u found ur pen-drive! Sorry abt the friendship.. guess setting an example didn't affect her one bit, eh?

Your poor 'friend', she certainly lost something precious, without realising it!

mott said...

Err..by that I meant, your friendship.

Anonymous said...

I think she will come around one day and say sorry. Will you forgive and forget?

the Razzler said...

Dear Daphne ..

Your friend is so blessed to have you as her friend!! She will miss your friendship when she really needs a friend!!

Just be true to yourself & you certainly did the right thing!!

I truly admire your patience and kindness towards everyone.

Mat Salo said...

Daphne...

Aiyah, in this world there will always be self centred people. Glad you and her are no more friends - avoid these type. A lot of it has roots in kiasu-ism which is one of Malaysia's and also our southern neighbor's worst trait. Remember, you also need to learn tolerance. Speak to them and let them see the error of their ways. Or else give them the boot. I can imagine these type of people who drive half million dollar BMW's and think nothing of rolling down their windows and throwing out tissues. Also unscrupulously parking in handicapped spaces... If kerp sees this then baru dia orang tau...

tokasid said...

Dear Daphne:

I think she is the kiasuist person in Penang.Who does she think she is? PM's daughter?

I can't imagine what she'll do when she goes into the working world. But one thing I'm sure she'll be successful is: have more enemies. Thats for sure.

If I lost someone elses properties, I'll feel guilty until it is found or after I manage to replace( of course its not the same in value) with a new one, but this gal....she can go and lepak. Reading this is making me hangin satu badan Daph.

I personally believe you are better off without her. Your 'seksaan' is finally over.

aemi said...

Hawwo nai nai,

Me glad you found your pencilboxy.

Huggie.

Your flower and Chee Keong's flower is doing well, he seems to like the cold weather.

Hehe.. :)

Daphne Ling said...

Yippie...I found a way to come reply to my comments...Keep the computer on ;)

Hi KL_Gal,
You have such an interesting take on this! Haha...I guess you're right...We always joked about her being the queen of drama queen's, but I guess although we saw it as a joke, she really was serious about everything she said about her being better and all, and we indirectly made it worse...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Lily,

Oh my! Thank you for coming all the way here to tell me!

You're right about finding out who your true friends are in college...That's what my mum said too about this whole incident...

As for the Golden Rule, I believe in it too! Although, it is very hard to abide by...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Winnie,

I was patient because I thought that well, we have been having fun hanging out, lepaking, going shopping and all, and that I shouldn't be worked up by 'petty' little things...

I know that my 'friend' thinks I'm being petty, getting mad over a pencil box, but hey, I'm don't think this is petty anymore...

Daphne Ling said...

Hey Nightwing,

I'm very thankful the pencil box came back! The guard knew it was mine cos well, my name is engraved on a ring...She hid it cos she knew how much my pencil box meant! I like to believe it is karma too...Kinda gives you a good feeling =)

As for the librarians, they're all a nice and sweet bunch lar...One can sometimes be a little nasty, but they're pretty cool! I guess they have had enough of rich, spoilt kids treating them like rubbish, so they sometimes are 'act back'...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Puteri,

Thank you for your act of support here =)...

Hi Mott,

Yeah, I got it ;) And I am really glad I got my pendrive back too! I was fidgeting all through my class, and even walked out a couple of times (something I don't usually do) because my mind was just really restless...

I think there is a saying that goes something like: 'Tak tenteram macam ayam betina nak bertelur
?

Yeah, something like that...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Anon 3.44 pm,

Honestly, dear, I don't know...This isn't the first time she has been completely callous with how she treats others ...

Once, during the Bahai fasting month (we fast from morning till evening), I asked her to please buy me dinner and the next-morning's breakfast, since she had gone out...

She said ok...

She told she will be back soon, but only came back at around nearly 10 pm...

And when she saw me, she said: 'Oh I forgot'...

And guess what she said after that?

She: 'I have bread in my room, you can have that if you want'...

She knew I was fasting, and waiting for dinner, and that was her reply? Very nonchalantly, I might add...

And you know why I was mad at her then? Because she had a car, and the shop was just about 3 minutes away...

If it had been me, and I had forgotten my friend's dinner (forget whether she was fasting or not, the fact that I forgot her dinner!), and I had a car, I would have gone out and bought her something! Her reaction shows she couldn't care less, and didn't feel the least bit bad about forgetting!

And because of her indifference, I had to make do with one bowl of nestum and a cup of energy drink the next morning for breakfast, and I had to survive on that for 12 hours, with a tummy that is prone to gastric!

And you know, when she told me she forgot, I walked off, knowing I would lose my temper otherwise...

And I even went to apologise to her for walking away, to which a friend here said vehemently: SHE should be the one apologising...

And when the pencil box went missing, I asked her to check with the office on her way to class if it had been called in for 'Lost and Found', to which she replied it wasn't...

I was already fuming by then, and sms'd her: "Then where the f*** is it? I need the bloody thing by tonight!"

Guess what her reply was?

"Dude, I dunno...If can't find, we'll just report it missing T.T"

Dude, I dunno, seems like someone who is saying: It's your problem, why should I care?

So, really, Anon, I don't think a 'Sorry' will count for much at this point...

But thanks for the concern...=)

Daphne Ling said...

Hi The Razzler,

Nah...There is nothing to be missed here...;)

But I learnt an important lesson here, so some good came out of it...

Thanks for the support yeah...=)

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Abang Mat,

Oh, I try very hard to be tolerant...But I have my limits too...And when that limit is reached, I blow...I really, really, blow...

As for people throwing rubbish outta cars, and parking in disabled lots, I wonder how they can do it too...

Sometimes, I actually feel like taking a coin or something and leaving a nice, long scratch on those BMW's and Merc's that are parked in the disabled lots, and out saunters this able bodied person...

And they can proudly walk out and 'show off' they got a lot samore...Like someone once said: Kereta aje besar, otak tarak...

Weird huh? Being rich and all (and presumably eduated), they should be help educate the rest of us! Not set a bad example...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Doc Tokasid,

Hmmm...PM's daughter? I doubt Nori Abdullah is like that; I heard she is nice (I heard la!)...

As for Dato Paduka Marina Mahathir, I know she is nice...

My badan hangat too when I wrote this post Doc...Thanks for the empathy Doc!

One of my friends couldn't remember where she left my umbrella, and she couldn't even sleep...An umbrella, which costs like RM 10...It wasn't something of big sentimental balue...

But she felt bad...And hunted until she got it back...That's what I would do too, and if really cannot find, would definitely replace it...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Ae Mi,

I'm glad I got it back too =)

And keep Daphne-The-Flower and Chee-Keong-The-Flower flowering...

Take care dear...

PrincessJournals said...

doesn sound like a friend to me tho. good-riddance!
always remember tht just because u kno somebody for yearrrrs, they dont automaticaly become a friend. ;)

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Princess,

True...Friendship is not governed by how long you know a person...Otherwise, you won't be my friend...

And yet, you are Kak Farina! And quite a few bloggers too...;)

J.T. said...

Hi Daphne

I finally got back to blogging after a week of running on low fuel.

Good post, Daphne. I agree with you that this is one friendship not lost. There is only so much one can take.

You take care. :)

Daphne Ling said...

Hi JT,

Hey! Long time no see! Hope all is well with you...

Anyway, thanks for the vote of confidence JT =)

*Hugs*

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

daphne and Mat Salo bro,

trust me guys, i'm no thug but i will never let these pricks off the hook for discriminately parking their cars meant for the disabled. this behaviour is intolerable.

it happened one recently at the curve, when parking was full, this one fella got the handicapped parking, and apparently when he came out of the car, he appreared to be 'normal'. sure enough i didnt get to yell at him to remove his car, but did the next best thing. reported to the security and stayed at the parking making sure that that particular car was clamped. it felt really good i tell ya. and never have i thought going shopping with my pinky can be so much fun. hahaha...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

just to add a bit more...

daph and mat salo bro,

perhaps that guy was mentally disabled? no offense to the actual persons who are mentally challenged but this fella needs professional help badly.

Jaded said...

O sorry to hear abt that... glad u found ur case...

not everybody is nice... you'll meet horrible ppl along the way... and leave them behind when u move on... some ppl just dont deserve your time of day dear...

mat saman kati said...

You'd mentioned Ms. Pushpa.... are you talking about Ms. Pushpa Panadam?

Ru-V said...

hey daph,

YAY!! I've been mentioned twice on your blog.Great honor I must say :D
Thanks dear.I just did what I felt a friend should do and in a way I was returning a favor.You've always been a great friend and I know you would have done the same or in fact more for me if the situation was reversed.
As for our dear "friend" I hope she comes to her senses soon.Because it's not very nice to lose a great friend like you and it's definitely not very nice to continue treating people the way she does.Poor librarians.They are really nice to me too.
Let's hope for the best then =)
hugs and see you in ten minutes for lunch.love ya!

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Kerp,

I hope they meet you then! As for them being mentally disabled, nah...They aren't mentally disabled, they're just jerks...Sorry for such strong language...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Jaded,

Haih...Aren't you the sweetest? And I mean that in terms of your smile too! ;)

Yes, am glad I found my case...Really, really glad...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Mat Saman Kati,

Oh no...It's not Ms Pushpa Panadam...

This is Ms Pushpavalli Ragavan...

=)

Also known as M a.k.a James Bond's M...

Haha...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Ru-V,

You're such a great friend, dear...Who would ever believe you and I got off on such a wrong foot at the beginning, huh? Glad things worked out though...

Well, it looks like I have been an ass for keeping my cool all this while...

Cos I have been informed (by people who know who the actual person is) that I have been removed from her blogroll (funny, you would think I should be the one to remove her from my blogroll first, and I didn't)...

Oh well, it goes to show that I made the right choice in not bothering to invest in this friendship any further, cos she sure does not value it at all...

Thanks dear Ru for being such a wonderful friend and person...

A big, big *Hug* to you too...