When People Say The Darn-dest Things!...

Hey guys...You know how people always say hospitals are a scary place, where funny things never happen? Well, they do...

I thought I'd share some funny and/or just plain weird things which transpired in the hospital...In no particular order, they are:-


One fine morning in the hospital, my nose was bleeding like a leaking pipe. Dribble, dribble, dribble, it went.

I had one piece of cotton stuck up my nose when I took Chee Keong for suctioning that morning. His mood was terrible. He struggled, wriggled, yanked at the tube and in the course, also bit himself. As a result, he had a slightly bloody lip, and also, a bloodied nose!

Pn Yasmin, the physiotherapist informed the nurses so the doctor will be told (when it comes to him, even a scratch has to be reported). As a sign of how important Chee Keong was, a bloodied nose saw two doctors arriving to check.

Doctor *Yasodhra: They said nose bleeding from suctioning. Get some ice. We might have to pack this.

Doctor *Jeeva, looking at me, instead of him: Oh My God! They suctioned you too!

Doctor Yaso
: Not her! Chee Keong is the one who got suctioned. But we’ll pack your nose too, Daph. *Wink*

Me: Eh? Leave my nose alone!


Due to a sudden influx of patients, Chee Keong lost his chest of drawers as it had to be given to someone else. I came and found all his wordly possessions piled high on the bed, with him in the middle of it. On hearing this, my mum kindly loaned him a huge rattan basket which I used as a baby.

Doctors on rounds:-

Dr *Shirley: Wah…Somebody got new cupboard ah? *Tickles Chee Keong*

Dr *Woo: Wah, wah…Can I see inside? Please? (Looking at me)

Me: Sure, go ahead lar…No need to ask one

Dr Woo, peeking in, looks up disappointed: Aiya…I thought they were your clothes. Thought you moved in

Dr Shirley, Dr *Wang, Dr Yaso: Why would Daphne move into the hospital?

Me: ???


In the supermarket, I bumped into Dr Wang with her baby. She had recently given birth...

Me: Aww…What a cutie…Can I hold him?

Dr Wang
: Sure Daph. He was living inside my uterus. He came out.

Me: ??? (Thinking: I can see he came out)


After walking up 6 flight of stairs, I was panting like a dog…I typed in the password, and let myself into the Neonate Ward…

Nurse 1, 2, 3: Hah…Apa jadi?

Me: Penat wei…Lif lambat, so jalan lar

Nurse 3: Ada muntah-muntah, pening-pening? Period datang ke?

Nurse 1, 2
: Eh, bapa siapa? Kenalkan lar

Me: Eh?


A new Houseman came into Ward 6A (Pediatric), and saw me feeding milk to Chee Keong…I gave him a smile when he walked pass…He stopped for a chat…

Dr *Luqman: You know, your baby will grow faster and be healthier if you breastfeed him (He obviously thought I was the mother)…

Dr *Leong, behind him: Hehehe…Dr Luqman, Chee Keong has got a mouthful of teeth and he loves to bite. Die oh if try and breastfeed. Anyway, Daphne is not his mother…She’s our volunteer

Dr Luqman: Still can breastfeed what!

Me: Eh?

Dr Leong: I think…she’s dry. You’re (Dr Luqman) welcome to try though*Gives me a wicked look*

Me: ?!?!?


Buying drinks for a man suffering from diabetes at the canteen…

Me: Uncle, Sugar Cane Ice, don’t want sugar

Uncle: You try lar *Laughing*I don’t know how to do!

Me: Don’t put sugar!

Dr *Ngu: Daph, you do know how Sugar Cane got its name, right?

Me: Oh…(Finally got it)

*I made that same mistake at the hawker stall some time later. My brother laughed, and said: I really think you are stupid sometimes...


Besides all the other problems, Chee Keong is also a G6PD (Glucose-6-Phosphate Dehydrogenase) Deficient baby…Among the things he cannot eat are Kacang Parang (Fava Beans) as it would cause hemolysis (‘bursting’) of the red blood cells…

My dad cooked Kacang Merah one day, and I brought some for him…To be safe, I checked with Dr *Ali, the MO on duty if he could take it…

Me: Dr Ali, Chee Keong can eat ar, this one?

Dr Ali: Can. He only cannot eat Kacang Parang. You know?

Me: I know he cannot take that, although I don’t know how it looks like.

Dr Ali: It’s the one you can find in kacang putih stalls. Have you seen the raw one?

Me: No

Dr Ali: Ok, next time I go Jusco for shopping, you come with me lar…I show you

Me: ???

Attendant *Mages: Eh, Dr Ali! You so old! Saya pergi lar...


Waiting for the elevator at 7 am…

Dr *Jothi: Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie! Wait for me!

I looked around and saw no one; I said nothing...

Dr Jothi: Why won’t you answer me?

Me: Who, me?

Dr Jothi: Yes lar, you.

Me: But I am not Bonnie!

Dr Jothi
: You sure?

Me: ??? My name is Daphne.

Dr Jothi: Ah! I remember something –Ne…


I was feeding Chee Keong at the nurses’ station, and he was spitting nestum at me…A bunch of student nurses came in for their first day (they were attached to the ward for a period of time to learn from the qualified nurses)…

Nurse *Amy, when she reached the nurses’ station: Everyone, this is Chee Keong, our ‘king’. And this is our volunteer, Jennifer.

Me: *Laughs* My name is not Jennifer.

Nurse Amy: Yes, it is!

Me: No lar…It’s Daphne

Nurse Amy: Alamak! I told all the nurses we have a volunteer called Jennifer. They said they’ve only seen Daphne. It is the same person!

Me: Hahaha…

Nurse Amy: Can I still call you Jennifer?

Me: Eh?

Hope you guys had a good laugh...Or a good eyebrow-raising, at the very least...

Note: *Names have been changed...If the doctors' names are repeated, it means I am referring to the same doctor...


Salt N Turmeric said…
If there's a competition, Id have to say no.6 wins it Bonnie. hmmm or is it Jennifer? *garu kepala* heheheh..
winniethepooh said…
thanks for sharing daphne! had a gd laugh esp no. 3 :)
J.T. said…
Number Five was definitely a cheeky remark... funny but cheeky. :)

And that sugar cane ice without sugar reminds me of the times when I asked for ice kacang. I would say "pakcik, satu ais kacang. Tapi tak mau kacang." :) Those pakciks always looked confused until I tell them that they can load up my ABC with all the garnishings but not the beans. :D
(I don't like any of the beans but I don't mind the peanuts)
Anonymous said…
Hi Daphne @ Bonnie @ Jennifer,
What a laugh! They are funny people! You geetting suctioned too? Haha...Oh God, what funny stuff. Nice to read stuff like this. Makes your day start off well to see such humour! Catch ya!!!
tokasid said…
Dear Daphne:

1-Your are a riot with these gems.
So what do you notice about doctors! Yes, most are damn 'square 'and a blurred bunch of professionals.
Some only know about medic and are unaware of whats happening around them. Some are so blurred, they can't understand a joke when you tell them.
I do have lots of friends like that.

2- Glad you enjoyed the hari raya at che'gus' place the other day.
Kerp (Ph.D) said…
dear bonnie,

if that dr lukman wasnt a doc, i'd be accusing him for being a hamsup fella. hihi...

it got me thinking. if sexual harrassment does exist in maternity wards, every doctors wil be guilty of committing one. kahkahh...

i'm good at saying dumb things too la jennifer.
Unknown said…
That no 5 is ....soooo...hilarious weehhh sis...aiyaooo...never thought you would been attacked with such humour! Muahahahaha....
tokasid said…

When working in labour room or maternity wards...its not the doctors
who are guilty of sexual harrassment. They are the victims! I was one for 5 years.
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Princess,

Ala, tarak competition lar Kak Farina...Memang, half the things said, I also *Garu Kepala*...;)
Rita Ho said…
Those are hilarious gems, err.... something-Ne! That really cracked me up. Did you ask why she decided on Bonnie and not Connie?? I wonder if Bill Cosby will be interested to revive his show with your adult tidbits. Haha!

Thanks for the laughs, Daphne.
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Winnie,

You are most welcome! I was thinking about this last night and was giggling as I was falling asleep...My roomie thought I was thinking about my boyfriend...Sheesh...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi JT,

Ah...Number 5...I didn't know whether to blush or to find it funny...

I never thought Dr Leong had it in him, to be honest...He always came around as very quiet, very timid and very shy...

And dear Dr Luqman, just didn't get the joke...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Jo-D,

I know...When she asked if I was getting suctioned too, I nearly dropped out of bed (was on it, holding CCK)...It was so funny seeing how perplexed Dr Jeeva looked and the 'You're so Duh!' look Dr Yaso gave her...

Daphne Ling said…
Hi Doc,

Haha...Not all doctors are blur blur, nor are they all 'square'...But sometimes they do say stuff that make you giggle uncontrollably...

It is quite funny to see them sometimes...Some half asleep one...Can't blame them, especially if on call...

The specialists of the ward will give them that "Oh Lord-ie, you sure you're a doctor?" look...


Oh well, I am quite 'Duh' too one...What do they say? Birds of a feather, they Duh together...;)
Daphne Ling said…
Oh, by the way, JT,

I don't like the red beans either...

It's the same when I order cendol...No beans for me...

I am always the first to run when my dad announces he will be cooking kacang merah or kacang hijau...Memang tak suka!

It causes gas!
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Kerp,

Join the club! We can publish a book on stupid stuff we all say very soon...There's an opening for Vice-President...Interested? ;)

Haha...Dr Luqman hamsap? Damn blur fella...

I think they see human anatomy so much, it's like seeing a cat on the road...=)

Haha...We need to ask Tokasid this!

Doc, help!
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Aunty Raden,

"never thought you would been attacked with such humour"...

Neither did I! But as I learned from a male blogger somewhere, men will always be men...

Echoing you: Muahahahaha ;)

Hope all is well with you, Aunty Dalilah!
Daphne Ling said…
Haha Doc,

You're a hoot! Care to explain how come doctors are the victims of sexual harrassment? =)
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Aunty Rita,

Bill Cosby, huh? That guy is classic...But, can't la...In a way, Malaysian/Singaporean 'jokes' will fall flat with the Whites and Europeans...See how Phua Chu Kang faired!

As for Bonnie, Connie, I have no idea...Bonnie itself also I have no idea already...I mean, it's quite far away from Daphne, no?
Kerp (Ph.D) said…
daph, tumpang lalu...

eh docTA, now you're talking. care to elaborate more? hihi...
tokasid said…
Daphne and kerp:

Me and a few others were victims of sexual harassment. I suffered in silence(wink!wink!) for 5 long years.
Why victim you might ask.
If you are forced to do something you don't like, aren't you a victim? Aren't you being harassed?
Can you imagine this: you are being forced to see and touch any parts of the female anatomy against your will. And you are subjected to verbal abuses if you happen to be an intern or a junior medical officer forced into obstetric unit.

1-Sexual harassment from nurses and bidans: when I did my internship in Taiping Hospital, I was already engaged. Most of the bidans and nurses in Taiping hospital in the 80's knew my mother well. And they knew I was "anak Che'gu Hawa".
Can you imagine my mom's ex-students and her friends started to give free lectures and advices about sex ,for they knew I was getting married in a few months time. How would you respond? I just smiled from ear-to-ear with those 'harassment'.
But they taught me a lot about obstetrics and conducting delivery. Its them nurses and bidans who taught be how to conduct breeches, how to use the vacuum or forceps. How to do the MRP in labour room when a placenta got stuck in the womb. And when the labour rooms were like a pasar malam, they will help be with the deliveries and sticthing up of episiotomies. When the labour room is like a museum, they'll tell me to go and have a good night sleep and wake me up at 6 am for my labour room rounds or reviews.
When I was in Melaka Hospital labour room, I was subjected to lots of double-meaning statements from nurses and bidans( the older ones, not the younger ones)and vulgar jokes in the labour room or antenatal wards. We were forced to listen to all those craps, but we doctors sure enjoyed it very much!

2- Sexual harassment from patients:
How is that? Well, some patients wants only you or your specialist to examine or deliver her baby. She'll go like this: " Doktor, saya mahu hanya doktor atau pakar saja yang periksa dan sambut kelahiran anak saya okay!Doktor lain saya tak mahu"
You see, in obstetrics, we doctors have to examine their abdomen and do a VE(vaginal examination). So when some one said only you(and the specialist) can touch her abdomen and poke your fingers in her and look at her *toot* exclusively, isn't that sexual harassment? Sometimes its the hubby who said that.

Sometimes women in labour do say the darn-dest thing, like shouting to you:
" Hoi doctor...bila lu mahu periksa wa punya *toot*. dah sakit tau"

"Doktor!!! Mari tengok *toot* saya cepat".

But we doctors take all those harassment in good faith. That is part of our occupational hazards.

ps- few ppl used to ask me: " Best tak dapat tengok *toot* tiap-tiap hari? Dapat tengok yg Melayu, yang Cina, yang India, yang Benggali, yang Indon, yang orang asli:.....

My answer:...I just smile to those who asked me.
(I'm smiling at you kerp!)
Anonymous said…
*Wipes tears*

Oh..no.4 and 5 really hit the spot la. My baby living in my uterus is having a rockin' good time, coz the mama is laughing with her belly shakin'!!!!!

Thanks so much for sharing! That made my week!
Kerp (Ph.D) said…
Sorry D, tumpang lalu again…thank u.


That’s one heck of a story. This is solely from a guy’s point of view. A guy is sexually harassed and he had to ‘suffer’ from it? haha…I’m not sure, mann. Sounds rather odd to me. but hey, you’re the good doctor here.

And well, u sure got me doc. I would certainly be asking the same question on the last paragraph the first thing we get to sit and chat. Hahaha…hey, I’ve got the feeling the answer is longer than just a smile. But since I may offend some readers, I shall behave and stop here.

Prepare for answers, doc. I’m bombing u with qs the next time we YM…hahaha..
Egypt violated the rights of Sudanese refugees
More than 10000 refugees, mostly in Egyptian prisons
Egyptian authorities have killed more than 100 of them
They resort to Israel to receive the safty of injustice Egyptian authorities, what is happening is a shame in the face of humanity
In my blog was portrayed by the suffering of these

Am asudanes bloger inegypt
Thank you for your support
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Doc,

Okie! Very in detail...;) Haha...I think you got Kerp more curious only...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Mott,


"my uterus is having a rockin' good time, coz the mama is laughing with her belly shakin'!!!!!"

Send my regards to the uterus-inhabitant, and apologise for the sudden rock-n-roll he/she is experiencing ;)

Glad to be of service Mott!
Anonymous said…
I like no 5 coz am a breastfeeding mom. Dr. Luqman get tons of brownie points in my books.
Anonymous said…
haahahaa..u guys are hilarious
daphne, i enjoy reading your blog a lot!