He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

Ok, I am sure you have experienced many forms of 'love issues' in your life...Whether vicariously, through a friend who never seems to be free of love troubles, or through your own messed-up love life...

So, I wonder if maybe all you older and more experienced folks out there could help me out here...

I always have one friend or another who has troubles, and after a while, I myself don't know what to do, and what to say...And really, sometimes I myself wonder what I would do if I was in that situation...

And this being X-Mas where everything is all lovey-dovey, I suddenly need to have these questions answered...Oh well, you get the picture, right?

So, let's play 'Dear Ding-Dong' (You're Ding-Dong!) today, ok? *Ding Dong is affectionate!*

Who knows? I might like your answer enough to give it as advice! Or use it...Whichever applicable...;)

Read below, situations which every girl/guy (change the sex accordingly) will face or hear their friends groan about...

What will you do, and/or advise your friend to do?

Situation One:-

You and your friend are in love with the same guy, she more than you...He doesn't know...And frankly, you think he likes you more...=) But your friend's heart is more likely to be crushed...

Situation Two:-

You like a friend, who is like two ends of a pole...One minute, he behaves like you are the centre of his universe, and another minute, he totally shuns you...He loves to tease you about well, you and you enjoy teasing him back...But when he is with other guys, he starts to gang up with them to bantai you...

He claims he has never looked at you out of the ordinary, but he'll be the first to notice if you cut your hair an inch, or if you're wearing a new pair of jeans, or even, hey! a new bra...

*But then again, I've been told that breasts are men's forte, and they always know*

He will never initiate an MSN conversation or sms, but when you start it, he never wants to end!

Situation Three:-

Your friend is lusting after you, because he feels you are hot...But that's the only thing (come on, you know what right?) he wants...

Situation Four:-

Ok...To me, friends of the opposite sex with partners are 'safe' friends (they're out of bounds), so long as their partner knows your stand...I for one, will always inform my friend if I am taking a lift from her boyfriend, or something...So, there won't be any misunderstanding...

But...Is it really safe? Just because you are sure of your stand, doesn't mean he is, right?

So, how close will you allow your friend of the opposite sex to be (he/she has a partner), before your 'Uh-Oh' siren comes on?

Situation Five:-

You like a friend, he likes you, but really both of your don't dare to open that gold mouth of yours, because you're not really sure if you read the signals right...But then one day, you went to say, a movie, and in the heat of the moment, make out, but both felt guilty because you're supposed to be 'just friends'...

Morover, you both don't really know anything about each other besides the fact that you both liked kissing (the other)...

Is that lust, infatuation, or is it worth taking a step further?

Situation Six:-

Oh My God! You're both about 15 (or 20) years apart! But hell, he follows you like a little puppy, and really, you find him quite interesting...

Situation Seven:-

What does a kiss on the cheek mean (between members of the opposite sex)? In Malaysian society, that is...I don't mean the air kiss...I mean, an actual kiss, one that is given deliberately...What do you mean when you give one, and what do you feel/think when another person gives it to you?

When would you give one?

Situation Eight:-

Do long distance relationships work?


Hehe...See, love is in the air...=)

Anyway, my stand is, if you like someone, tell him (I am quite a direct person lar), because chances are, if you like him, someone else out there might like him too...And if that someone tells him, you might lose the chance to be that someone special, all because you scared to lose your 'water face'...

But really, quite easier said than done, right?

And really (again), this advice of 'evaluating how important your friendship is first' is really quite stale already...So is 'you've got nothing to lose, so just tell him'...

Disclaimer: Any similarities to any person, in any of the given situations, are purely coincidental...Read: I am not hinting at any one out there...=)


Anonymous said…
Dap, doing your psycholgy counselling early on? Good training for u.
winniethepooh said…
i can do question 8, it does :) thats from personal experience hehehe
Anonymous said…
I never thought I would read something like this on your blog. I think I know who the guy in situations 2 is, and I know what you mean. Or is it a coincidense? He needs to get some guts though if you ask me.
Unknown said…
Oooow my, mencabar minda habesss hahaha. My experience with ladies is nil. So what can I say, aside from the prospect of MY OWN mind? Hahaha.
Q6, age matters not, really. I have the living proof in my place(my mum(52) and dad(70)). See? What matters are love, affection, responsibility, commitment, and most of all, trust...or so what my mind prospects tell me.
But anyway you are right about being frank(also my mind's prospect). Better grab the chance while 'the one' is still on the loose hahaha.
Anonymous said…
Apa ini, love? There is no such thing as love because love means never having to say you are sorry (with apologies to Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal). I urge the world to stop loving, because love is the root of all evil. Men and women are torn apart because of lust, a collateral damage from too much love. Instead of love, we must have respect. Respect means no lust. No lust means no problem, and a Whole Lotta Love (with apologies to Led Zeppelin).
whre4arthou said…

I can do Q8 too nai..

It works.. I think you already know that from me..

Hehe.. Merry Christmas.. we're heading off to Vienna and Budapest tomorrow..

Me wove you!
Kerp (Ph.D) said…
Yo Daph,

Here’s my 2 sens.

Situation 1,

Your love for this guy is lesser, but still your heart is for him as he’s so into you. I say, better crush someone else’s heart than your own.

Situation 2

Cant seem to make out of the actual situation here but from what I understood of this, YES. men loves staring at boobs.

Situation 3

Not worthy of a friend, let alone a bf.

Situation 4

This is simply about trust. If he is given the trust, the last thing he’d do is to betray her. But then again, what do I know? I’m just a guy after all…

Situation 5

That’s just the beginning of more good things to come. So in other words, breaking the ice through kissing and fondling. Hey, that’s not bad at all. At least that girl know he’s not gay.

Situation 6

Age is definitely not a barrier in any relationship, either for genuine love or money, both can still work.

Situation 7

It would flatter me to get a kiss, anywhere for that matter. Nothing sexual nor emotional about kissing someone on the cheek. In showing my appreciation to the receiver, I wouldn’t mind doing it. no big deal.

Situation 8,

Hell yes but needs heck a lot of patience.

Ok there you go my POV.
Anonymous said…
Dear Daphne,

I see that you are a thinker. It is either that or you are oen person who is always in the drama of some love issues with your boyfriend. Having read some of your old write up's I think it is not the second one. So I have to say, good situations.
First. A guy will always be a guy as I am a guy I know this. Men love breasts and the bigger the better. Even if the breats are small, we still like them because the first thing we always notice about a girl is her breast and not her face or her buttocks. But bigger still better.
If a guy is playing the bush with you it means he is interested. Maybe not ready for commitment but definitely interested enough to think about you enough to be beating the bush. If a guy notices your hair it means he definitely likes you. We otehrwise dont care about hair. If a guy takes the trouble to do something for you it also means there is interest means either he likes you or he wants to get into your pants. We are guys. We dont do something for nothing. One sure way to know if a guy likes you is if he offers to go out of his way for you or he offers to do something for you which he gains nothing from. Your gratefulnneess is a bonus. But guys no matter what age has got one problem. We are not good with revealing our feelings. We are scared of rejection.

I have one situation for you. If a guy tells you he likes you and wants to go steady anmd but you don't like him as special. How would YOU tell him?

Signed from Ding Dong.
Rita Ho said…
Daph ... this is a great topic when you are my age and have cried a few river of tears over "love". Here's my take :-

1. A crushed heart alongside two happy hearts is more logical than 3 broken ones.

2. He is either insecure or doesn't know what he wants. A tiring waster of time. Forget him.

3. If you feel the same way and no one is going to get hurt, go for it. Life is too short.

4. Re-affirm your stand at the first sign of a pass. If you care about your friend, alert her. She'll probably appreciate it since it means their romance is not what she thinks it is.

5. Mutual lust is a good first step if nothing else is working.

6. Age is just a number if everything else is clicking right.

7. Kissing on the cheeks is a trendy hello these days. I'll worry more about hugs and check proximity and where their hands rest.

8. Yes if both parties are mature and knows what they want.

I totally agree with you about telling. Love has already proven to be blind as it is. We should eliminate the deafness. There is also a thin but distinct line between loving and being in love. Loving is hard but fulfilling and lasting. Being in is easy but flitting and testing. Unfortunately, this is a lesson most people learn through experience and not from others.

So, who is the guy? and which situation is yours? LOL!
Cataractman said…
You know Daphne. It takes lots of guts and balls to maintain a relationship imho. You know why?

Honesty and frankness.

Its difficult to keep it up. Its sometimes painful. And neither side can take it all the time.

But when those 2 values are maintained it works. Works for me. Better a fight now than later.

Apply honesty to all those mentioned situations :) Never ever drag it down to a soap opera level where we base actions on emotions and love.

And never ever expect from him/her. Only give.If you feel fairly treated. You're in a balanced relationship.
tokasid said…
Dear daphne:

Sit 1:
Best women win.Go!Go!
( hahaha..I'm like a batu api)

Sit 2:

Seems like a kiasu person.
There is nothing wrong daling with kiasu ppl, as long as you can tahan or like 'masuk telinag kiri keluar telinga kanan' attitude.

Sit 3:

Now,now...thats a wolf or buaya darat kind of person. They have nothing but to get into someone's pants or undies or sarong.
I want to have type of guy but might shy away from responsibility.
Jaga-jaga,he might brag about his so call conquest to his buddies to boost his ego.

Sit 4:

Air yang tenang jangan di sangka tiada buaya.
Once a a while is okay to get a lift or something. Things are not as clear cut as we might think. What are the chances your friend's boyfriend suddenly jatuh hati to you? very high. Yeah,your friend might say she understood and all the bla..bla..but will she not be jealous?

So becareful. And remember: Air yg tenang ada buaya!!!!


Aiyah...kalau sudah suka cakap saja maa....why keep a it a secret and suffer alone or syiok sendiri alone.
Well, sometimes movie do happen in movies(wink wink!)Most likely it is lust but if both likes each other why not continue a step further.

Sit 6:

Aha! A potential sugar daddy. But love is blind and age is not a barrier,right?

Sit 7:

This one I dunno. But if I kiss my wife on her cheek( which is almost everyday) its just to show I love her so much.

Sit 8:
Long distance relationship? Somehow the spark will die off. Chances are both will find a new person.
Daphne Ling said…
Hey Anon 20.01,

Haha...Early counselling? Nah! 'Attachment' only...Kekeke...
Daphne Ling said…
Hey Winnie And Whre4Arthou,

Thanks for pointing that out! Ae Mi (Whre4arthou), yours different case lar...But it did survive!
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Jo-D,

Ala, no 'rule' about what can be posted in blogs, right?

Anyway, I think I know who you are talking about, and no, it is not in reference to him...But if I got the right guy, yes, he needs some guts...

Like I said, no reference to anyone in this post! =)

Daphne Ling said…
Hi Akmal,

Oh well...I was once told that I give so-called 'good' advice because my advice are not clouded by emotions...I don't give one-sided advice because I've not been severely hurt by a member of the opposite sex (otherwise, I will be likely to always blame the guy!)...

Sama boat lar kita ni...;)

Wow...Your parents have a huge age gap! My grandparents were 12 years apart...But I guess this one (age) depends on the individual couple ler...

Thanks for sharing...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi NSTman,

Whoa...No love? You serious ke ni? You gotta be kidding me! I agree respect is very important, but love must have also right? Takkan not at all? Eh?

Wahlau, I gotta get use to this idea...=)
Daphne Ling said…
Hey Kerp,

Like I told you the other day, I am impressed...You (and by the looks of it, some others) have actually answered situation by situation...Cool! I never expected this!

And nobody came up with the whole 'evaluate how important is the friendship' thingy!

I guess the main point you're saying is that it's every man for himself in a relationship, huh? And that as long you're happy, it's ok, right?

Got ya!

Thanks for sharing D...
Daphne Ling said…
Hey the rest of you,

I will reply you later =) Sorry, but gotta chao! Thanks for the comments, though...
Mat Salo said…
Hey there my favorite Bahai' ding-dong.. SOOOO jealous that you were in town recently cavorting and gallavanting with Moby and his sidekick Kerplunk.

Thanks for enquiring lah. Lost my internet for a while and busy with work lah while lucky landlubbers have the holiday season to contend with.

Love does not make the world go round Daph, it's oil. That's why I'm working while everybody else shouts Yaaaaaaam Seeeeeengggg! Er.. was that Kerp?
Hi Daph... always read your blog but had always kept my right to remain silent. But not on this one. You know why?

Methink you should know that love is grossly over-rated my dear.

Its just a chemical reaction in your body. With the right mix (mostly accidental), you'll get a unexplainable high, made you insane temporarily, hit cloud nine and explode. After that you would be wondering what have you done but sorry, too late, you already have the little ones running around and diapers to change and darn, the one promising to love and to care for you till death do us apart is out golfing.

My advice, just lower your expectation. Its easier to find a crocodile than a gentleman. Even in KL.

Really. Masih tak caye? Me too. I have this uneasy feelings that someone will tell us, "I told you so" in a few years time...
Kerp (Ph.D) said…
Mat salo Bro,

Cheers to you too!

Anonymous said…
Aiyo, So many questions and so little experience. I got a feeling most of these questions can be directed to yours truly.
In a nutshell, I shall put all your questions in this monologue- All depends on your gut feel, heart feel and lust feel. Guys come in many varieties just like girls. Use your judgement to see if they are the genuine serious or buaya types and then react accordingly la. Ultimately the more you play with fire the higher the 'risk' and whether you are willing to play the game. Yes, think of love as a game. But, as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war. But if sex is involved ooh la la. That's all I can say, my consultation is free but if you you feel grateful just give me a flying kiss.
The love guru.
Daphne Ling said…
And so we continue,

Hi Aunty Rita,

Nice...Really nice...

Actually, re the lust situation (Situation 5), I kinda thought so too...When people ask me this question, my reply is always, if both parties like it, and both parties are consensual, and both parties enjoy, what's the problem?

And I have always been firm with the whole, if I like you, the whole world will know! Haha...I am gonna let the whole world know I like you and they better stay away, otherwise they're gonna get a few hisses *Hiss* and a few *Grrr*...


And I will tell you again none of the situations refer to me...Cross my heart!

I like what you said about love being blind, and it shouldn't be deaf...Will use that the next time! Thanks for sharing...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Doc,

You know, I never thought about Situation 4 that way...Thanks for showing another possibility...

It looks like the guy in Situation 2 has been the one who has gotten the most flak! I have always thought of this kinda guy as 'shy', but looks like everyone here has other opinions: Indecisive, Kiasu, No Guts...

Haha! Thanks guys...=)

As for Situation 3, I guess there's always a fear that the girl is just another trophy to be acquired and bragged about...Come to think, this is always a fear, huh?

And it is very sweet of you to kiss your wife on the cheek every day, Doc...=)
Daphne Ling said…
Oh dear, Cataractman, I missed your comment...=(

Anyway, you're right...Honesty does apply in all situations...People always say 'Make sure the person loves you more than you love him/her', but I guess that is just a mechanism to not get hurt...

But then again, didn't someone say 'It is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all'?

So I guess the best thing to do is to give it your all...If it doesn't work out, take is as a lesson learnt and keep the memories...=)

But all love hurts...Inevitable...Just ask all those girls/guys who spend so much time crying!
Daphne Ling said…
Hi there my favourite oil-rig man, Abang Mat!

Haha...I only know one oild-rig man, so you're definitely the favourite!

You're funny lar...Kerplunk is Moby's sidekick huh? I think it's quite cute how after a while, everyone just starts calling Kerp as Kerpie, and Mob as Mobbie on their individual blogs! Makes it sound so much more personal, and more 'gentle'...

Haha...Mob is so gonna want to kill me! =)

You take care too on your rig, and come back for the new year! Oil or no oil, you need some rest!
And we must most definitely meet up one day...=)
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Straycat's Strut,

Hey there...Thanks for breaking your silence, as it is nice to meet new people...=)

Love is over-rated, but it is also under-rated, I think...We're (as in, you and me) still young, so I guess we over-rate it in some ways, thinking it is all lovey-dovey and all about snowflakes, and candy and hugs and kisses...

But the world doesn't go round with that kind of love, does it? Oh well, let them 'tell you so'...Who cares? As long you're happy, it's ok! =)

As for expectations, I always think forget it, so I agree with you...You'll get hurt if you do set expectations that are impossible to meet...It'll just make you disillusioned...=)

Thanks for sharing anyway, Straycat! Appreciate it, and looks like we do agree...
Daphne Ling said…
Hi Anon 19.31 @ The Love Guru,

Haha...No lar, none of these situations refer to me...Seriously...If it does refer to me, I must be the most in-demand person around, and definitely the most tormented, love-wise!

So no, it's not me...

You gotta remember my peers are all my age one lar, and I hear alot of these kind of situations, so I just wanted to see how other people, young and old (and experienced) see it...How far off am I in my perception...

But yes, I guess what I can get from your comment is to always follow your heart! I will say Amen to that!

And thanks, if I ever need a love guru, I will leave a note for you on my blog, ok? =)